Friday, January 9, 2009

How to Comply With the New Progress Order from The People's Cube

I adore the People's Cube. They have a really sarcastic tongue-in-cheek attitude towards progressive that I have. You can visit them at

This is one of their newest and greatest works of art. I happen to agree with all of them, doncha know.

How to comply with the new Progressive order and achieve a happier life while avoiding jail time:

DO buy vehicles from GM, Ford and Chrysler because it helps our UAW friends the economy
DON'T drive them as they pollute the environment and cause global warming

DO insist that nationalized, single-payer government provided health insurance is the solution to our health-care crisis
DON'T mention that a government health care bureaucracy is just like a private insurer's healthcare bureaucracy except that with the former, you don't get another choice.

DO condemn smoking in public and private venues because it is filthy and selfish and increases health care costs
DON'T stop buying tobacco products because the collective needs the tax revenue

DO despise elitist wealthy fat-cats like CEOs of Wal-Mart and other companies that do useful things
DON'T despise elitist wealthy fat-cats like the Sulzbergers, the Kennedys and the Hollywood celebrities who do useless things

DON'T fight terrorism with military action, treat it as a civilian police matter
DO hamper police investigations at every turn in the name of civil rights

DO denounce oil companies for their "excessive" profits whenever the world markets drive the price of oil up
DON'T allow them to drill for oil in the US or do anything else that might reduce these prices

DO rail against the loss of American factory jobs to China, India et al
DON'T stop increasing the environmental, labor and other regulations that make it impossible to open any kind of factory in this country

DO demand fairness in hiring, lending, college admissions and other circumstances
DON'T mention that the dictionary definition of fairness bears little resemblance to the political concept

DO despise war and demonstrate constantly for peace, violently if need be
DON'T hide your glee when the US or one of its allies, like Israel, is losing

DO require bi-partisanship in government and that the rights of the minority party be respected
DON'T make us laugh when we're in the majority

DO politicize science by bullying and cajoling everyone into beliving the AGW myth
DON'T fail to accuse real scientists (who have facts to disprove the myth) of politicizing science

DO holler about the need for more government programs to help the poor
DON'T notice how much these programs actually benefit politically-connected hacks and crooks who are not poor

DO continuously harp on the main vice of capitalism, the unequal distribution of its benefits
DON'T ever mention the only virtue of socialism, the equal sharing of its miseries

DO emphasize the Progressive commitment to preserve individual choice when it comes to aborting a pregnancy
DON'T emphasize the Progressive commitment to prevent individual choice when it comes to everything else

NEVER even think about the fact that on the Progressive farm, some animals are more equal than others

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